Autistic Masking, Work & Burnout

Han Silly

2023-05-21 08:27:37

I defended my doctoral thesis recently. Does that mean I've "made it"?
I told people that I wrote a verbatim script for the thesis defence because I wanted it to be as good as possible. I've refrained from mentioning that the real reason was that I was terrified of freezing up and losing the ability to speak.

Nikola Savov

2023-05-20 13:05:03

I know this video is a year old but I found it at the very right time; I had to drop out after trying to finish a degree so desperately that I completely lost any purpose and direction in life. Now I can't even get to leave the house or even shower. For the past week I couldn't comprehend what was wrong with me and why I can't be the same way I was when I initially applied for university. I now understand that I desperately needed an escape from a harmful environment and uni was my only way out, even though it wasn't the right one for me. The first step to healing will have to be growing more compassion for myself and forgiving myself for being so rough on me when I was clearly struggling. Thank you for your incredible work on this video, you have helped me get one step closer to being back on my own two feet 💜

Andrew Gawlik

2023-05-13 14:13:21

So many of the stories shared really resonate with me. Part of it was from being in a career path I didn't enjoy, which only was exasperated by bullying in the workplace with management siding with the bullies (who exhibited forms of bigotry that both directly impacted me and didn't). Mix that with living with an ex-boyfriend who exhibited narcissistic traits.

I went to college for computer engineering (electronics) was on academic probation several times (not knowing how to approach someone to ask for help) and thus barely graduated. I got pigeonholed into programming and tech jobs when I really liked working with my hands. I went in for engineering just to get away from the bullies and assault from classmates in highschool and thus never explored professions where I would have the opportunity to work with my hands. Three years after I was terminated from my last job, I learned about other neurodivergent conditions and was evaluated for dyspraxia... at that time, I took a career interest test and demonstated an interest in leatherworking. I took a few leatherworking classes and started my own projects over the past 8 months and really found that spark of joy that I was missing for so long. The only time the joy disappears is when I am unable to practice this new hobby. I'm still waiting on the disability application review to be completed, but I still want an opportunity to explore this new passion.

A lot of the things that I have been good at up through highschool and college I can no longer do as well... these were more in the math and physics spaces... I never once landed a job in electronics design due to inadequate work experience, but I had a single yearlong internship that was related to repairing electronics down the street from campus. I was still struggling to figure out what was wrong. It took me time to realize that I only went to college just to keep up with trends of going above our parents level of education... my parents each have two-year degrees.

GrannyGamer1

2023-05-10 06:08:10

Cat.

Austen SG

2023-05-06 12:23:22

I needed to return to this video today. Everyone knows I’m autistic at my job, but I stood up for myself (I think it was appropriate but my coworkers don’t) and got too heated (some of it is on me ngl), and now I’m neck-deep in LinkedIn Learnings trying to figure out what everyone wants from me and why. My anxiety stomach pain has returned, and I only have that pain when I’m holding my tongue. But this job is a pretty good one, I can’t risk losing it.
Is it bad im wishing for a more visible national movement against us so ppl care? The executives at my office really care about trans rights and dismantling wh!t3 svpr3m@cy, but ability stuff seldom comes up

Mr. Marx

2023-04-28 22:11:10

God this video was so important for me. My entire life has been one big facade and it's so hard that no one understands how it feels. I unconsciously act in ways that are completely disingenuous to my feelings and time and time again wind up in horrible circumstances because of it. I try so hard to say yes when I really mean yes and say no when I really mean no rather than acting in ways that will please others, but it is a ginormous mountain to overcome. As is the self hatred that develops because of it. I need to keep telling myself "you're not a bad person" "you're not a bad person" when I just unconsciously lie about myself to others... gah! It's nightmarish. But anyway, I've never felt this heard before. Never related to others this much and felt related to. Keep up the good content my friend

Harlo

2023-04-26 14:38:02

Uni was hard, work after that harder, fired, back to square 1 in labour hire, handyman work better but living back with my parents, bottle of vodka a day for years. Now much less stress job, a bit of socialising, live alone but sometime clean my place. I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones 🙂

Jaded

2023-04-25 05:48:07

Their is nothing selective about selective muitisium.
I was bashed by the police because i could not talk , i was being avasive and not complying.
Ive actully learnt to speak ausland so when the voice gives out , at leat i can singh launguage the basics but that still did not stop the police officer wanting to cuff me for having a public meltdown that consisted of me rocking and a sea of tears and snot.

I ended up getting hold of a bit of paper and writting " you alblist cow, im trying my best to communicate with you in the only way i can and the fact that you dont understand ausland singh language is your lack of training because im actually speaking the nationally recognized form of singhing.
Would you cuff a deaf person souly because they cant hear or speak ?"

Thats when they backed off but i copped a knee in the neck and one in the lower back befor they realized i could not talk.

And peopld wonder why i dont do day time shopping centers or offices anymore.

Im shit scared!

Camellia

2023-04-23 10:10:04

This is an extremely good video - so much at stake with having to maintain the act.

Anonymous

2023-04-22 22:09:29

I thought that "fake it till you make it" meant faking something so that other people would believe it, and then trying to learn, become or get the thing that you're faking before they realize you were faking it.

Doug Redway

2023-04-21 21:17:14

Thank you. This completely describes what I've gone through the last few years.

Michael Coolwood

2023-04-13 14:19:20

I'm in this video and I don't like it

Eliza Keating

2023-04-13 08:32:33

_F_Kab1XrTQ&t=11m45s 11:45 "live in a foreign country so that your differences are attributed to being foreign by others" the way that hit me like a punch to the chest 😭😭😭

anyway the weather in Taiwan is lovely today 😅

Ariel Harloff

2023-04-12 14:00:14

I had a conversation with my boss recently about how I seem uninterested and uningaged (I work in a job I actually really like when I don't have to deal with my boss being like that) and I TRIED so hard trying to communicate that it's not an inside probablem it's an outside problem but she couldn't get it... I even asked her how to do better and she couldn't tell me... I ASKED my boss how to mask better... That's the moment I realised my tentative self diagnosis probably wasn't just in my head...

Denis Robert

2023-04-11 13:03:55

I get selective muting mostly in emotional arguments. Not good.

ArmadilloAlien

2023-04-11 01:05:00

I also have to deal with selective mutism sometimes it's so frustrating to not be able to verbally say what's on my mind. This usually happens when something has triggered me, rarely happens though luckily.

Remi

2023-04-02 21:15:18

Watching this while taking a sabbatical year off work, while trying to change careers... let's just say it hits differently

Atay

2023-03-31 18:13:50

The noisy interludes with music, sounds and b rolls are so annoying

Des Antilles

2023-03-30 02:14:35

_F_Kab1XrTQ&t=9m33s 9:33 is so relatable 😂